Rules for South Dakota visitors

I was born on a farm about 4 miles north east of the little town of Farmer, South Dakota. Yes, that’s right it was a farm near Farmer.

Where is Farmer? It’s about 5 miles straight west of Spencer. Spencer is the town that was nearly wiped off the map by a tornado on May 30, 1998 as reported here.

Anyway, the following is a (tongue-in-cheek) set of rules for South Dakota visitors:

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!. Pull up those droopy pants -- you look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road" and I drive an old pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus, so drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & pigs. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us so get over it. Don't like it? I-90 goes east and west, I-29 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car? We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. Every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If your cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat perch & walleye. If you want sushi & caviar, it's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant hunting season. It's a religious Holiday held on the third Saturday in October.

9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

10.You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

11. College and high school basketball is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

…thanks to Twila Bauer for sending this.