Rules for South Dakota visitors

I was born on a farm about 4 miles north east of the little town of Farmer, South Dakota. Yes, that’s right it was a farm near Farmer.

Where is Farmer? It’s about 5 miles straight west of Spencer. Spencer is the town that was nearly wiped off the map by a tornado on May 30, 1998 as reported here.

Anyway, the following is a (tongue-in-cheek) set of rules for South Dakota visitors:

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!. Pull up those droopy pants -- you look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road" and I drive an old pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus, so drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & pigs. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us so get over it. Don't like it? I-90 goes east and west, I-29 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car? We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. Every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If your cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat perch & walleye. If you want sushi & caviar, it's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant hunting season. It's a religious Holiday held on the third Saturday in October.

9. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

10.You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

11. College and high school basketball is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

…thanks to Twila Bauer for sending this.

Homemade photo ID card accepted at airport

KCTV in Kansas City recently did an investigation into airport security. They proved that it doesn't matter what kind of ID you show when you try to board a plane, it will be accepted as long as it looks official.

They were able to create a homemade ID in about 15 minutes on a home computer. They used photograph, created a background, added some personal information and printed it out on photo-grade paper.

A magnetic strip was added and then the card was run through a basic laminating machine.

It worked. Airport screeners accepted the card as proof of identity.

Link here for the story and to see the card.

New book claims to end all JFK conspiracies

Just when we thought "Case Closed" by Gerald Posner was the book to end all JFK conspiracies, along comes another book: Reclaiming History: The Assassination of President John F. Kennedy by Vincent Bugliosi.

There is no doubt that Mr.Bugliosi did not write his book just to make money on the publication.

Writers who want to cash in on the JFK assassination have a much greater chance to make money writing about a conspiracy rather than writing about a single bullet from the rifle of Lee Harvey Oswald (pictured).

One must have a lot of faith to believe in the one bullet version of the assassination. I believe there is just too much evidence, both actual and circumstantial, to point away from the one bullet theory.

Also, I don’t believe there is enough evidence, both actual and circumstantial to support a one-bullet theory.

I’m not sure I have enough faith to believe that one bullet could have struck JFK in the base of his neck, exit from his throat and then hit Connally in the back, shattering his fifth rib before emerging from the governor's chest, passing through his right wrist breaking several bones.

And after all that, the bullet was very conveniently found, in nearly pristine condition, on a gurney at Parkland Hospital some time after the body of the President arrived.

I have seen the Zapruder film several times on TV news magazine programs and other documentaries covering the assassination. Each time it is shown, I’m more convinced that, the way Kennedy reeled, he was struck by more than one bullet.

I also have a problem with the way the Warren commission evidence was shrouded in mystery and why Gerald Ford made a couple of changes in the final commission report after the fact which he refused to discuss.

One last comment: if Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, why are all of the vital documents related to the assassination still top secret?

Link here to the announcement of the latest book to back up the one-bullet theroy.

Dealing with telemarketers and junk mail

What do you do about junk mail?

Here is what one person suggests:

What? Open your junk mail? No, no, no...you don't open the junk mail. Instead, you put one slash through your name & address, then write 'return to sender' and put it back in the mail box for pickup or in the slot for outgoing mail.

Do this with catalogs, post cards, anything. It stops it flat … and the Post Office likes it because they get paid going and coming.

How do you stop telemarketers?

Here is another man’s suggestion for getting rid of telemarketers:

I got the telemarketers to stop cold when I told them they can speak to the person they called, but first they must listen to me sing "Up On The Housetop."

This is not a pretty sight because my singing voice sounds like goose farts on a muggy day.

I’d stop occasionally during the song and remind them that they'll "soon be talking to the person they called and won't that be exciting?!" I’d also stop occasionally and ask "Have you been a good little boy or girl this year?"

My kids loved it! My wife rolled her eyes and shook her head but the calls stopped.